Am I Really Repeating Self-Affirmations in a Scratched Pocket Mirror?

Cat in mirror

As of late, I have been reading a lot of mushy-gushy, follow your passion, “I really like myself” books. No sure what’s going on there, but I walked into Barnes and Noble the other day and swooped an entire shelf of books into my basket.

Stop Having Problems

            For some reason, I’ve always be partial to the Self Help section of the book store. Maybe it’s because of my psychology background; maybe it’s because I feel better knowing there are other people out there with the same problems (Yes! I too can’t stop obsessing about my pantry!); most likely it is because the book titles make me giggle (Why Your Life Sucks anyone???).

PS - NOT a book about dogs.

PS – NOT a book about dogs.

However….

There were a few areas of assistance I found missing. Here are some Self Help books I would like to see on the shelf:

  1. You ARE Getting Old. Sorry. Enough with the How to Age Gracefully crap. Having things sag and shift kind of blows. Does that mean you don’t matter? No. But let’s be honest, you are not going to look 19 again no matter how much you spackle on the Midnight Renewal cream (trust me, I’ve tried it with mixed results).
  2. How to Throw a Facebook Intervention Party.  Okay, I have written about my love/hate of social media, but some people could really dial it down a notch. I don’t think we all need to know that Gary did not receive his pickle spear, yet again, from the deli lady.
  3.  Nine Ways to Improve Your Selective Memory. We all crave sharper brain power, but do you really need to remember the time you laughed so hard you snot-bubbled in front of your new boss? I say no. Enter the selective memory.
  4. Kale – Nobody Likes You. Sooooo many weight loss and healthy eating books. We get it; eat less, move more. But kale? You’re not foolin’ anyone buddy.
  5. Psst. It’s Not a Secret. You Actually Have to Work to Make a Living. Let me go ahead and pre-apologize if you loved the book The Secret. I just couldn’t do it. Honestly, five vision boards later and I still didn’t have a job. Oh wait, maybe I should have utilized that time sending out my resume.
  6. She’s/He’s Kind of into You. Maybe Stop Snoring So Much. I know plenty of relationships saved with sleep apnea solutions. Get that damn deviated septum fixed pal and maybe your lady will be nicer in the morning. Because she actually slept through the night.
  7. Mean Girls – Don’t Worry, It Gets Better. Just Kidding! It Doesn’t. We all want to believe cattiness goes away with time. It doesn’t. The girls just get older and have better hand bags. If someone published an honest book about this, we could all navigate things a bit better.
  8. You Shui, I Shui, We all Feng Shui! Open this book and inside is a trash bag. To throw all your old crap away. Home harmony – done.
  9. How to Get People to Liste- Oh Wait, Where Are You Going? You can be the most magnanimous speaker on the planet, but some people just don’t listen. This book comes with a rubber band you can shoot at people to get their attention.
  10. How to Meditate for Relaxation. This book contains a pillow and a babysitter. The sitter watches your children while you sleep. Oooohhhhhmmmm.

Dog in mirror

All in all, I have gleaned quite a bit from these books. The main message: listen to yourself and look inside.

So I did, and here’s what I’ve found:

  1. A LOT of Carbs.
  2. A lost VHS tape of The Breakfast Club.
  3. Some old hurts.

We all have stuff that needs to be fixed. It’s nice to know some people have written material to help us heal for only $19.99. You might learn something, improve something, or maybe even giggle a bit.

And let’s face it, it is a whole lot cheaper than the ten to twenty therapy sessions your Aetna plan won’t cover.

 

Photos Courtesy of:

Cat in Mirror – www.quickmeme.com

Men Love Bitches – www.thedatereport.com

Stop Having Problems Stupid – www.amazon.com

Dog in Mirror – www.pinterest.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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