Am I Really Hiding Under the Bed…from My Daughter’s Toys?

We live in the age of electronics. Kids are glued to their smart phones, IPads, IPods, Kindles, and laptops. Games, books, movies, and music are all on these devices. Any type of entertainment for both child and adult can be found on these devices.

Except toys. Effing toys.

I believe that all children should have toys. It builds creativity, problem solving, and develops motor skills.

But some toys literally scare the crap out of me. Like my daughter’s toys.

It is best to illustrate my point thought the art of photography:

  • Dolls. These b*tches freak me out. Their clothes are more expensive than mine, they get their hair professionally done, and they are always sporting that smug smirk. It’s like high school all over again. At least with Barbie, you know what you are getting – a slightly slutty doll. Barbie’s got nothing to hide. There are about 500 variations of her and one Ken. You do the math.

The other night, I walked into the living room after my daughter was in bed, flipped on the light and found this:

American Girls

I think she was re-creating a scene from Mean Girls.

  • Avatars. While not really a toy, it’s as if my child went to a virtual Build A Bear and dressed up a stuffed animal.

Look as this Slick Rick.

Pimp Cat

It’s like Puss in Boots’ other brother – Huggy Cat. And what’s the deal with the butterfly hiding the eight ball?

  • Human-Size Toys. It looks cute, but really? I think this is the child’s equivalent to a body pillow. I found it sitting up and tucked in bed one morning. My daughter asked if she could take it on vacation. I told her we would have to buy a seat for it on the plane. She didn’t see the problem with this. Pray for us.


  • Stuffed Animal Hoarding. These things are like Gremlins – they keep multiplying every time I turn my back. They are at the fair, arcade, mall, other people’s homes, and every damn gift shot across America.

Here she is surrounded by them a la St. Francis of Asisi style. Let’s hope these all don’t translate to cats later in life.


I don’t have an answer about the scary toys. I’m sure my parents shook their heads at my belongings. At least our toys were somewhat functional: you could travel around on your Big Wheel; work out your brain muscles with the Rubik’s Cube, and when your parents yelled, “Go find something to do!” You could literally Sit –n- Spin.

Remember this little guy?

Remember this little guy?

For now I will have to cohabitate with my daughter’s entertainment choices. They make her happy, feel safe, and bottom line, she likes them.

But if that American Girl doll asks for her own cell phone, she might end up in the shed.

Am I Really Telling Batman to Take a Hike?


When I was a little girl, I used to pretend I had magic powers. I could make things disappear, or make water move. I used to run around the house in my Wonder Woman Underoos and bend precious “metals” with my bare hands.

I also used to ride around on my big wheel while wearing my mother’s lip gloss and pretend I was a Charlie’s Angel, but that’s a story for another time.

Now, a grown woman, I go to the movies, watch The Avengers and know that it is fun fiction. Superheroes do not walk the earth in capes while flying around in the dark. They cannot swoop in and blow out a raging fire with their magic breath, nor can they swing from building to building by a thread.

Heroes walk the earth with us and complain about gas prices too. They teach us our ABCs and shop for supplies at Target. Some are old, some are young, but they are all very human. They are our teachers, doctors, first responders, and next door neighbors. Recent tragedies have proven this very fact.

We have heard the stories of the teachers lying on top of their students to protect them during the two hundred mile per hour winds. We watched the interview of the young teacher in Newtown, Connecticut who hid with her students in the bathroom and kept telling them she loved them, because she wanted their last thought to be of love, not fear.

It is the knowledge of fear that is paralyzing. Thinking of how scared those children must have been, not fully understanding what was going on, I can’t even process. Could I be as brave as many of the teachers and random passerbyers who jumped to the aid our youth? I don’t know.

These courageous people did; without thought of their own safety or needs.

There is so much disaster, it is overwhelming. But it is comforting to know that heroes really do exist. That mankind (focus on the word kind) is not only alive, it is flourishing.

Especially if you are a helping someone out in your Spiderman Underoos.

** You can be a Hero too. Donate to one of the below organizations. They are gathering supplies for the most recent tragedy in Moore, Oklahoma, as well as preparing for the future:

American Red Cross

Phone: 1-800-RED CROSS (1-800-733-2767); for Spanish speakers, 1-800-257-7575; for TDD, 1-800-220-4095.

You can send a $10 donation to the Disaster Relief fund via text message, by texting the word REDCROSS to 90999. The donation will show up on your wireless bill.


OK Strong Disaster Relief Fund

Donations can be made online at

Phone: 1-405-236-8441.


Salvation Army

Phone: 1-800-SAL-ARMY (1-800-725-2769).

You can donate $10 by texting the word STORM to 80888.

You can also send a check to: The Salvation Army, P.O. Box 12600, Oklahoma City, OK., 73157. Put “Oklahoma Tornado Relief” in the notes portion of the check.


Humane Society and Central Oklahoma Humane Society

Phone: 1-405-607-8991

You can make donations online toward the “OK Humane Disaster Relief Fund.”

They are also in need to towels, paper towels, bleach, gloves and crates.


Save the Children

Phone: 1-800-728-3843

You can give a $10 donation by texting the word TWISTER to 20222.