Oh Target, how I wish I could quit you.

But I can’t.

Where else can one find sunscreen, lunch meat, and a seasonal handbag in one location? Don’t even think of mentioning Wal-Mart because I will get into my car, drive over to your house with that Bulls-Eye dog and the coked-up blonde lady from the holiday commercials (you know, the one in the red sweat suit and heels – and who the hell wears heals to go shopping?), and slap the ghetto out of you. I am a firm believer that if you can’t find it at Target, you can’t find it.

However, this is not needless spending, oh no. I use everything I buy there. Seriously, nothing, and I mean nothing goes unused. Frozen pizza? We eat it. Cute multi-colored scarf and flip-flops? I wear them (sometimes at the same time).  Books, shampoo, popsicles? All used up and now I need more. And hang onto your hats people when there is a holiday because I will roundhouse kick you out of my way to get to the last animatronic Easter Bunny. I am that lady who cruises into the checkout line as her cart runeth over.

Oddly, this spending phenomenon happens little place else.  Oh sure, I have over done it from time to time when clothes or shoes shopping, but I have never run into the grocery store for bananas and toothpaste, and instead emerged with the entire cheese cart. I have yet to go to Walgreens for laundry detergent and left with arms full of As Seen On TV items (well maybe some of that stackable Tupperware, and yes, I still use it).

So how did this vortex of Target (pronounce tar-je for those of us fancy folk) spending begin and what is it about the store that makes me want to run my hands along the displays of holiday stickers and festive socks in the $1 aisle?

I think it goes way back to the hunter and gatherer days.

The men-folk would go out and hunt for the meat and the women and children would round up twigs for a fire, berries, nuts, and other items to eat and store up for the harsh winter. They had to plan ahead, gather massive amounts of food and wood or they would starve and freeze to death out in the great outdoors. Another reason why I don’t camp.

The same preparation can be seen by the colonial people. They spent all summer and fall harvesting crops and storing up goods for the winter. People worked hard, and I mean get Timothy the toddler out there with a scythe hard to stockpile goods so they could survive the repetitive blizzards during winter. Let’s face it, people dropped like flies back then. If the small pox or accusations of witchcraft didn’t get you, the winter and famish would. Folks had to constantly prepare for the future, the next phase of needs.

This is our modern day stockpiling. Target is our forest.

When I was pregnant with my daughter I went through a crazy nesting phase. I would go to Target for bibs and diapers and walk out with armfuls of plastic bags. I could have made twenty red and white maternity cat suits.  I was gathering for the future.

So next time you are at Target and thinking to yourself, “Hmm, do I need those $24 wedge sandals?” Remember, you are preparing for your future. A future party. Or when you muse, “I sure do like fruit snacks and oh look – two for one!” You are planning for your belly’s future, as well as a solid vitamin C intake.

I too am preparing. Apparently for the seasonal decorating apocalypse. And oh, I will be ready.