Am I Really Raising my Lighter for the Ladies?

So the news blows. Seriously, there is just too much junk happening in our world right now. At any moment I expect Godzilla to walk down my street and start fighting aliens from outer space.

Let’s focus on some positive stuff. I would like to dedicate this post to some people I really admire – most of them ladies.

We all have those we look up to, I thought I would share some of mine. It’s time to thank the awesome:

Please tell me you remember this.

Carol Burnett. I love this woman. I used to watch her show when I was a child and laugh my head off. She was a huge catalyst in my life to entertain. She’s still got it.
Jimmy Carter. Okay, not a lady, but this guy is 90 years old and he is still out swinging a hammer for Habitat for Humanity. I want to hug him and put him on a coin at the same time.
My Mom. I talk to this woman every day, whether she wants to or not. She always makes me feel better, about everything. Her attitude is amazing. She has also taken holiday decorating to an art form. Every holiday. Some possibly Danish in origin.
People who do not inhale their food. You know those folks who gently put down their forks and then fold their napkins on their laps? I am not one of them. I’m like that kid who is scared their mom is going to take away their Snickers bar, so shoves the whole thing in their mouth. I wish I could be more demure. Or less like a Hoover at least.
My Grammie. My mother clearly gets her good attitude from her mother, my grandmother. This woman is 94 years old and I have never heard her complain once. Which is shocking since she grew up during the depression. We could be sitting in a Don’s John on a hot day in the middle of the Mojave Desert and she would say, “Well, it could be worse I suppose.” She can also house a lobster roll like nobody’s business, which is really something since she is 98 pounds…oh wait, that’s where I get it.
Come on – just look at Grammie. You want to give her hug.
The dog that saved that runner’s life by finding help when she fell down a ravine. Okay, not a human, but I don’t know too many humans who would stay by a hurt person’s side, then run in the cold for miles, without food for three days, only to bark at someone for help. Sometimes I have a difficult time re-filling my daughter’s juice cup.
Yoga Instructors. I just can’t do it. You win.
Nope.
My calm friend Shannon. I wish I could be calm like my friend. So much stuff has happened to this lady, but she just zens her way through it. I break a shoelace and will flip over my desk. She is also a fork down, “no thanks, I’m full” kind of person, which explains a lot.
The face I make when we are out of peanut butter.
Amy Poehler. Once again, the comedy thing. I would love to grab a drink with her at an outside café and people watch and laugh and laugh. Hey, it could happen.
Ladies fully put together with make up and pressed clothing at 7:40 a.m. school drop off…smiling. Those of you who know me are well aware that hair brushing is not part of my early morning repertoire. Those working moms who have to actually go to a place of business blow my mind. I can do it, have done it, but it nearly kills me. We need to give those broads the slow clap.

There are about a thousand more people I admire. Not all women, and not all famous. To me, it’s the “ordinary” people who truly do extraordinary things.

So during these Times O’ Crap (I’m pretty sure that’s what they are calling it on Nightly News with Brian Williams), take a look around and just say thanks for the good people who influence you to do better, to be better.

But do it after school drop off, when your hair is brushed.

I would love to hear about the people you admire. Please feel free to share below in the comments!

Photos courtesy of:

Lighter www.tvtropes.org

Carol Burnett www.visit-gettysburg.com

Yoga www.massageyogawellness.com

Animal www.partyworld.ie

Am I Really Clark Griswold in a Room Full of Gisele Bündchens?

I recently attended an outdoor concert. If was full of trendy twenty and thirty-somethings. They all actually sat and listened to the music. They nodded to the lyrics as if to say, “I hear you. I get that you are comparing your first kiss to Lybia.” They wore funky hats, no shoes, ate fruit, and all looked like they took yoga.

They were super hipster cool.

I am not in this demographic.

In fact, I am rather nerdy.

No, not the I can quote all the lines from the Hobbit movies type of nerdy. I’m just not cool.

I read books, yes. But I don’t look cool doing it at my local fair trade coffee shop. I am usually at home, in bed, with my glasses on (not the large dark-framed celebrity kind), wearing an over-sized t-shirt with a bleach stain on it.

All the cool people.

I too listen to music. Once again, I definitely do not look cool doing it. At concerts, my hair is usually sweat-plastered to my face from dancing around, and I am hoarse from screaming, not singing, the lyrics. Apparently I do not listen to hip music. Who the hell are these too-cool-for-school people and how did they get so funky fresh?

Of late, people have become ultra-hip. They recycle everything. They grow their own vegetables. They try to locally sustain their communities. They drink microbrews from other countries. They name their children Meadow Lark and Blue Rain, and their dogs George. And they do it all with righteous beards that say, “I’m not ZZ Top, nor am I Five O’Clock Shadow. I’m in between.”

Man, I wish I was with it. At that concert, I wanted to go up to the floppy-hatted yoga guy and say something like, “Whales man. What are we going to do about the sperm whales?”

Instead, all I kept thinking was, “Put your shoes back on Bob Marley! Do you know how dirty that asphalt is? You could cut your feet.”

Yes, it’s true. I am getting older. But I was not cool when I was in my twenties. While I followed some fashion trends of the time, my clothes were always a bit “off.” I had to use a belt for over-sized pants that I was too lazy to hem or take in, or duct tape the bottom of shoe I was not quite ready to throw away.

Today this would be called “re-purposing.” Back then it was called “I don’t have enough money to buy real clothes, so I am borrowing my dad’s pants.”

Okay, so maybe I am a little trendy when it comes to “going green.” I recycle and I try to get as many uses out of a zip-loc bag as possible.

But I will never grow a beard.

Am I Really Living in a Recurring Dream? So Why Aren’t My Boobs Bigger?

What I aspire to do.

What is actually happening.

Some of you may have heard the expression, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

Apparently I need a one-way ticket to the funny farm based on the above quote.

Why do we repeat behaviors when they get us nowhere? And have you noticed life is a circle? Not just The Lion King’s circle of life, but also the circle of reappearing situations and people that elbow their way into our lives.

The cycle can be anything from reoccurring negative relationships (Must I always date someone who’s into Yoda?), to needless spending (Well the electric bill won’t get paid this month, so it’s a good thing I have these ninety-two candles on hand), to working the same crappy job, but in a different location (Awesome, more spreadsheets).

In the vein of airing dirty laundry, three major issues seem to follow me around like a fart into an elevator: 1) Running late (everywhere); 2) Overspending; and 3) A promise to take up yoga.

It’s time for me to get off this crazy train, so I devised some solutions.

Let’s start backwards with the most mundane hula-hoop item and its proposed fix.

YOGA: For nearly a decade “Take a Yoga Class” has been on my To Do list. The number of yoga classes I have taken during that time: three. I hate it. I don’t really know why I put this on my list, but everyone keeps telling me it is fantastic for peace of mind and flexibility and blah blah blah. I would not mind limbering up since a seated toe-touch stretch would require a state of emergency; complete with fire trucks and pulley devices. SOLUTION: Where yoga pants. Perhaps while running or just sitting.

OVER-SPENDING: I’m not much of a saver. Or as my husband puts it, “What the @$%* did you buy at Target??!!!” This issue would probably happen more often, but luckily I just don’t have the dinero to spend. At least I make sure all the bills are paid before I go buck wild at Walgreens. I am a responsible over-spender. SOLUTION: A Budget. I have tracked my spending over the last couple of months (ouch!) and am now working on cutting back. I’ll let you know how it goes.

RUNNING LATE: This has gone on since the beginning of time – that is – my time on earth. I like to say sassy things like, “I was born late.” Which is true, but not an accepted excuse for my daughter’s dance teacher. This one is super bad. I find myself thinking I can accomplish more in a certain time frame than is what is actually possible. SOLUTION: Don’t go anywhere (just kidding). I have tried to trick myself and set the clocks in my house five minutes ahead, it does not work. The end result is that I am really good at subtraction. I am still working on this problem area (sort of) and trying to cut back on what I do before I leave the house. Once again, I’ll keep you posted.

My goal is to break the negative circle of sameness. Hopefully I will be successful, and I wish the same for you dear reader, whatever your habit.

But if you see a small woman frantically running down the street holding an un-used yoga mat and a maxed-out credit card – you will know I have a long way to go.