celebrities | Am I Really?

If you are like me, you watched the Golden Globes this past Sunday Night. I like this awards show much better than the Oscars because it is fancy, yet all the stars seem to be relaxed and are enjoying themselves…because they are smashed.

I am not one to be all “Girl Power,” nor am I trying to follow in the footsteps of Gloria Steinem, but can I get a “What What for the Ladeeeeeeeeeezzzz??!!”

Sorry boys, but the chicas took it this year at the Golden Globes.

Let us start with lovely and talented hosts: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. They win, again. I personally love these two. They are hilarious and both are comedy geniuses (a two-fer!). Apparently, all of Hollywood seems to think so too. I don’t think Bono just makes out with anyone.

Moving on – Jennifer Lawrence. Love her, love her, love her. A brilliant actress, everyone sings her praises as an awesome person, and she is only twelve and half years old. Amazing! Some fashion critics poo-pooed her white dress last night. Whatever. Let’s face it, this chick could wear a trash back covered in soggy Raisin Bran while flipping everyone off and I would still love her.

Amy Adams. Also a winner last night, from the same movie, American Hustle. Another amaze-balls actress. She can sing, dance, act, and not look ridiculous in princess clothes. She also seems sweet.

Diane Keaton. She accepted the Cecil B. DeMille award for Woody Allen. She wore a lady tux and pulled it off. She looked great. Don’t know about you, but if I tried to wear a tux I would look like a very disgruntled cross-dresser.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Hilarious. She did not say one word last night and stole the show. She is a brilliant comedienne who does not take herself too seriously, but is seriously talented.

Amy Poehler won for best actress in a TV Comedy. Double score. Hate to say it, I am just happy that chick from Girls did not win again. We are on overload with her.

Rita Wilson. I know she wasn’t nominated for anything. I just really like her.

Emma Thompson. While watching her barefoot onstage made me a little uncomfortable (Put on your shoes Emma! There could be nails on the stage! Are you up to date on your tetanus shot?), I like that she just does not give a damn. Also, she is a kick ass actress.

Drew Barrymore. Rocking the pregnant frock. She wasn’t the only one beautiful and prego. Olivia Wilde, Kerry Washington, and Elsa Pataky stood by her in soon-to-be motherhood. That’s a lot of hottie hormone action. Also, I want to be Drew’s friend.

Andy Samberg. Not a girl, I know. But he came out of the SNL family and he kept the night lighthearted while being shocked and genuinely thankful for his win.

What did we learn from the night? Having a personality wins. The men seemed so serious about their wins. Why? Society doesn’t want to hear about how you have “grown as an artist,” and that every day you “dive deeper into your craft.” Nope. We just want to see it and experience it. Remember that old saying, Show, don’t tell. Boys, the ladies have you beat on this one.

Please note, I love men. Many of my favorite actors and comedians are male. But watching last night made me so proud to be a woman, I almost ran out and bought two packs of tampons. During the day.

So ladies, wave your bra high and proud. If life gets you down at the PTA, or if that loud talker guy at work got your promotion, just do what Tina or Amy would do – make them laugh.

Oh, and then spread a rumor that he has a raging case of herpes and put super glue all over his desk.

I am writing this post from a Starbucks. Blissfully, no one here gives a damn.

Thank God because I am constantly picking those everything bagel poppy seeds out of teeth.

Last night was an exciting night in entertainment: The Golden Globe Awards. I have always wanted to go to this event. It looks like so much fun. My favorite part is when the camera people show clips of the stars chatting up each other right before cutting to a commercial break. They look so intent on one another. I often imagine the conversations. Like JLo trying to explain her boy toy to Steven Spielberg, or Bill Murray trying to explain his mental-health patient hair from last night. Really Bill, I love you, but please find a comb.

Yes, like many civilians, I too have wondered what it would be like to get your name called, walk up to the stage, and make your acceptance speech.

Until last night.

Jodie Foster had a lot to say. Websites are blowing up with articles about her speech. Twitter is going banana sandwich with all the tweets and commentary. Whatever your opinion, you gotta put your hands together and give it up for her.

Girlfriend has been in the business since she was three. She is already a two time Golden Globe and Academy Award winner, and last night was honored with the Cecil B. DeMille award. I say, let her say whatever the hell she wants. Why not?

There were many points that the talented Ms. Foster made during her sermon, but the one that slapped me in the face was about privacy.

Most of us non-celebrities types are oozing with it. Or so we think.

In the world of Twitter, YouTube, and cell phone cameras, any jack-ass can be a “star.” Some people post willingly, others, not so much.

Think about how Kim K. got her “big break” – a sex tape. Katherine Webb, the girlfriend of Alabama’s QB, got around eighty bazillion hits after the ESPN cameras panned to her during the BCS championship game. And remember Chocolate Rain? Ooooh I could not get enough of that guy!

There are definitely positives that come from social media. But what about the negatives? A person can record you on their phone and post it, without your permission. Oh sure, you can sue, but only after the fact. Problems can also occur innocently, such as if someone posts a photo of my daughter at a birthday party without my consent. The photo can end up all over the web if not careful.

Take a look at that FBI Agent texting photos of himself shirtless. Dude – you are in the FBI, how could you think you not would be caught? Or the General Patraeus and General Allen scandals? You run our militia guys and have access to all kinds of equipment. Did you not think naughty emails were a bad idea? And of course there is Weiner-gate and the whole sexting scandal. Way to go fellas.

Even if you are not a celebrity, your privacy can still be invaded.

So why are we so interested in other people’s beeswax? We are fascinated with Reality TV (although sometimes, not very real), catching people do embarrassing things online (cheating, singing, picking underwear out of their rears, etc.), and of course, celebrity tabloid news.

You could say it makes us feel better about ourselves when we see someone do something ridiculous. Or, maybe we learn how someone became successful at their job when we watch a documentary.

I think we are just nosy. Period. Myself included.

Why do we slow down when we see an accident on the side of the road? Why do we gossip or want to hear the latest office/mother’s club/celebrity gossip? Why do we sit in outdoor cafes and people watch?

I don’t have all the answers, but it sure is interesting.

But circle back to Jodie-the-lambs-are-screaming-Foster. She is right. If I want you to know something about my life, I’ll tell you when I’m ready. If not, TS.

So thank you Golden Globes for reminding me that nobody gives a rat’s ass if I go to PetSmart in sweaty gym clothes with no makeup, three pimples, and toffee nut coffee breath.

Unless the ding dong store clerk decides to post it on Facebook.