Am I Really Taking a Nap During my Nap?


Labor Day has just come to pass. The celebration of all those who work in this great country. The government/society gives us this one day off for busting our humps the rest of the year.

The generosity is overwhelming you. I can tell.

Here are some definitions I want to share with you. LABOR: work, esp. hard physical work; to make great effort; have difficulty in doing something despite working hard; move or proceed with trouble or difficulty; till (the ground); and of course, the process of childbirth, esp. the period from the start of uterine contractions to delivery.*

Wow – this sh*t sounds hard. Guess what, a lot of times it can be.

Enter, the lazy train.

For those of you who know me, lazy is not a word used to describe me. Ever. I am the anti-lazy.

Lately, however, I just don’t give a crap. I want to whip my bra off, keep my pjs on, and hang a Gone Fishing sign on my front door. As mentioned in an earlier post, this does not bode well for me since the school year has just started and we have a million activities happening, including going back to work.

I think this yearn-to-a**-sit-and-stare-into-space has something to do with the fact that I have not taken any type of vacation for over a year. No clearing of the mind. Oh we had grand plans to get away, but then we realized we needed new plumbing in the house, so dreams of surf and sand went right down the toilet – literally.

As a society, we pack our days to gills. Who knows why. But we do it. Some days, there are literally not enough hours in the day to get everything done. School, work, sports, activities, traffic, trying the new Dorito Chalupa at Taco Bell. Yet sometimes we really need to do nothing.

Now let me preface, I do not suggest shirking responsibilities, but a little nothing every once in a while is a good thing.

Think of it this way, you use your smart phone all the time. Close your mouth, I know you do. You probably need to plug it in and charge it up at least once a day.

Guess what? You are the same way.

Our society reveres the over-doers, and looks down upon people who take life in the slow lane. Look at how we treat our elderly. We are annoyed by their slow pace and daytime napping rituals.

I actually overheard a conversation recently. It went something like this:

Person #1: “How was your weekend?”

Person #2: “It was great. We did nothing! We actually slept in.”

Person #1: “Must be nice to live the life of Riley. I had to help my daughter with her science project, I went into work, we had three soccer games, two birthday parties, mowed the lawn, and then finished painting the bathroom.”

Person #2: Silence. (Shamefully slinks away).

Okay, this conversation is not verbatim, but pretty close. The point is this – who gives a crap? Let somebody else do nothing. It is their life and maybe they need to take a break. And guess what? Magical unicorns are not going to fly down from the sky and award you with the busiest person award, give you a pat on the back and an Eskimo Pie, and then announce to all the land that you are so wonderfully awesome for doing so much.

What you do get is this – you get to be tired.

If we are constantly doing, how can we take a moment to look around us and really see what is going on? How can we create if we are always running from one activity to the next? And how can we be the best person we can be to our family, friends, and ourselves, if we are always saying “yes” to everything and never recharging our batteries?

So give yourself a break and others around you. Get your stuff done, then sit down and watch some bad TV. Read a book. Go outside. Let yourself think. You need this time.

Then you can go gas up the car because you have to drive forty-eight kids for carpool this week.


*From the online Google search of “definition of labor” and Wikipedia.

Am I Really This Excited About Sunburns and Mosquito Bites?


It’s already happening. All I want to do is sit around and well….sit. I want to drink a cold margarita on a hot day and get a tan. When three o’clock hits, I have to slap myself so I don’t ditch everything and go read a book on the couch. Or better yet, take a nap. And dear God, the new movie releases? Somebody hold me. They look so fantastic I might move into our local AMC Theater. That and they have a full bar.

Oh yeah, it’s summertime.

Doing nothing is not in my nature. The thought of sitting and relaxing seems like some type of CIA torture tactic.  I have recently come off a number of months of non-stop movement. They have included three moves (one out of state), a few personal tragedies, re-entering the workforce, changing schools, taking a class, volunteering, and well, just living.

I am not sharing this so someone will send me a Cookie Bouquet for my efforts (but I do love a large cookie). Every one of us has a lot on our plates nowadays. I only mention the above near-coke induced type of stress to illustrate why my body is naturally craving a sit-on-the-front-porch-and-drink-sweet-tea-all-afternoon relaxation.

Most people feel some form of the summer lazies around this time of year. The weather is warm and the sun strong, naturally sapping our energy. Cookouts become abundant, aiding to the sitting and eating way of life. Longer daylight hours allow us to enjoy the outdoors and lounge around.

I say bring it on.

We spend so much of our lives running around. Sometimes I go so fast that a week goes by and I can’t even recall what happened. I want to put that crazy b*tch in a box and enjoy the season.

Since summer is naturally a sensory time, below are some of the things I look forward to experiencing. Good and bad:

  • Licking the melting Popsicle juice running down my arm.
  • Smelling like bug spray and citronella everywhere I go.
  • Hair always in ponytail formation, or frizz so intense resembling the “before” in a Garnier commercial.
  • At the beach – every PB&J sandwich and food item tasting like sand.
  • Burning my rear end when sitting down in my car.
  • Taking my burnt bum to the movies every week.
  • Sand everywhere. Even in my wallet come late October.
  • Running away from bees looking like a cartoon character.
  • Listening to my daughter complain about the heat. Then watching her walk achingly slow to the car while my flesh starts to spontaneously combust.
  • My feet sliding around in my flip flops due to overactive sweating.
  • Reading all the Facebook posts about how hot it is, accompanied by pictures of the dashboard temperature gauge.
  • Watching the fireflies and fireworks.
  • Screaming like all those no-name actors from Nightmare on Elm Street when I find a gecko in the house. Then trying to catch it. Then giving up. Then finding it in the washer (why do they go in there???).

So start your slow down now. Sit on your porch, grab a cold one, and just look at the happenings outside.

Then go spray yourself with OFF, Silkwood style, because the bugs are insane this year.

Am I Really Thanking the Olympics for My Laziness?

All around the world, spectators, family, coaches, and athletes have their eyes glued to the Olympic Games. I am no different.

I enjoy viewing these outstanding feats of agility and strength with a glass of wine in my hand, lounging on the couch…after dinner…of spaghetti and meatballs.

Watching these athletic specimens I keep thinking, “Wow! That’s amazing! And what are those weird muscle patches they’re wearing?”

Now I like to think of myself as a do-er, a go-getter. I make things happen in my life. But during these dog days of summer, all I want to do is lie down and read, then nap, then look at pictures of puppies on Facebook. So naturally, when I am sitting on my ass relaxing while watching the Olympics, I feel like someone has injected me with some ludes, then made me smoke out of a bong in the shape of Gerry Garcia’s head.

I can multi-task – yes. I have passion – yes. But laser-sharp focus – negative-o.  It really makes me think about all the things I could have accomplished if I had that type of tunnel vision dedication:

1)      A professional dancer. For reals. I was pretty good, like, could have gotten onto Star Search and met Ed McMahon good (we did not have So You Think You Can Dance then).

2)      Become a beatnik poet.  I went through this weird phase when I lived in LA when I would walk on the beach and write about my “hard times” growing up in a loving nuclear family in the suburbs.  Super deep. Give me some snaps.

3)      Won a Latch Hook Championship.  I cannot tell you people how much I was into latch hook as a kid. It’s something my mother would give me to do on family vacations in Maine.

4)      Grown my perm out.  At one point, I just couldn’t take it anymore and I cut all my hair off into a hideous bob. Yes, I am a quitter.

5)      Married Tommy Lee from Mötley Crüe. While I am still a massive fan of his (he kills it on the drums!), I’m pretty sure I dodged a bullet there.  If I had stayed really focused, gotten my boobs done, gotten my lips done, and only ate air for breakfast, I too could have ended up in a sex tape, taken him to court, and divorced him…twice.  I want to rock out with him, not microwave left-overs with him.

6)      Finished my novel, second screenplay, any other writing piece.

7)      Run the Marine Corps Marathon. Oh this one just makes me laugh. I signed up to run this marathon with one of my best friends. I dreaded the thought so much, I moved to California. True story.

The other day my daughter told me she wants to be just like me when she grows up. After I wiped tears from my eyes, I screamed, “No! You have to be stronger, faster, BETTER than me! Don’t settle for driving around with the windows rolled down listening to Hair Nation on Sirius XM.” Then I offered her a Creatine shake, which she respectfully declined.

While many of the examples above are silly, I do take a look back every once in a while and wonder if some greatness could have come from one my kicked to the curb talents. I am in awe of all of the athletes from around the world. I am pulling for our Team USA to reach for the gold. It does makes a person think, “Could I have….?”

Nope. Not me. I like life too much to focus on just one thing. I want to experience everything this place has to offer and meet as many people as possible.  Sometimes I enjoy watching coffee brew in a pot as the beautiful aroma fills the kitchen. I like to sit and stare out the window and think about everything and nothing.

Does that make me well rounded? Probably not. Did I miss out on a “great” moment in my life because I did not stick with something? Maybe. But life has been pretty good to me, and I can’t wait to see what happens next!

Right after I quit reading this book half-way through.