January | 2015 | Am I Really?

The holiday decorations are packed away, the Christmas lights are down, creating a mug-worthy street, and the idea of getting up before seven a.m. seems barbaric.

Ah yes, January, the coldest, darkest, biggest let down of all the twelve months. The month of January is like that person at a cocktail party droning on about how they replaced the siding on their home. You nod politely and deal with it, just so you can get to the Swedish meatballs. No way around it but through it.

It is this time of year that gives me a raging case of the “blahs.” Much like a perennial plant, I shut down for the winter.

To put it simply, I’ve lost my mojo people.

If you too have lost your “umph,” you probably need it back. We have stuff to do! But where the hell did it go?

Not to fear, I’ve come up with a list of possible situations that probably syphoned the mojo right out of you.

Shall we?

The Holidays. To me, the month of December means, “Run like your pants are on fire!” I did, and now I need to wrap myself in a tinfoil blanket and drink some recovery fluid. MOJO LOST: 9.8 points.
The Weather. Everywhere you look, it is cold and overcast. That’s fine when you are snuggling up with a hot toddy in front of a blazing fire, but not when you are trying to warm up your car in crop stretchy-pants. Thumbs down. MOJO LOST: 5 points.
All the Crap You put off for Two and a Half Months. From October 31^st to January 1 – nothing gets fixed in my home. Leaky faucet? That can stay. Dirty carpet? We’ll clean it after the holidays. Expired Cheez-Its? Hmm, they aren’t that bad. Time to take care of it all. MOJO LOST: 7 points.
I swear they don’t go bad.
Arguing with Self/Child/Spouse/Randoms about Going Back to Work/School. Self-explanatory and exhausting. MOJO LOST: 3.5 points.
Shopping for Boring Stuff. Over the holidays we bought fun food and wine for parties and entertaining; we bought shiny gifts for others; and we bought sequenced mittens because they were on sale (shhhhh). Now we have to keep shopping, but for things that are nowhere near as exciting as December’s sundries. Like lettuce and soap. MOJO LOST: 8 points.
Procrastination. Last month I had a viable excuse to not work on my screenplay, answer an email, or sew on all the missing buttons on my child’s clothes. Now I have to get cracking. MOJO LOST: 10.5 points.

So how did Stella get her groove back and how can we get ours?

I think it has something to do with Nike’s slogan, Just Do It! But with the addition of the piped in tough love from my military father.

Don’t want to write a chapter? Too bad, I didn’t want to fight in Nam, but I did. Just do it!

Don’t want to take that Zumba class? Isn’t that just a bunch of old ladies shaking their hips? I don’t blame you, but you did load up on the mashed potatoes this year. Just do it!

Don’t want to go back to work? I thought you just filed a bunch of crap and drank coffee from Starbuck’s? Doesn’t sound too hard, quit complaining. Just do it!

Listen to this guy.

So let’s all lace up our shoes, put pen to paper, foot to treadmill, or paper to shredder – and just do it.

Then take your mojo out for a nice steak dinner and promise to never, ever, let him/her go again.

Until January 2016.

Photos courtesy of:

Austin Powers – www.blogs.gartner.com

January Blues – www.bluesplat.co.uk

Cheez-Its – www.jasoncouponking.com

Just Do It Slogan – www.wallfoy.com

Stripes – www.stumpedmagazine.com

Welcome to the Great Purge of 2015!

While everyone is making their New Year’s resolutions to get fit, quit smoking, and finally use that loom Aunt Betty gave you, I am in the process of cleaning closets and throwing out – everything.

I am not a saver. When I was growing up, my family had to pick up and move every couple of years. We learned the art of “bless and release” early on. That, and my mom would give away half our stuff while we were at school.

At any rate, I do not care to have schmegma build up around me, so I like to have a Crap-Exodus at least twice year. When it is all said and done, I’ll be standing here with a suitcase full of clean socks and a cell phone.

All Crap Must Gooooooo!

Here are something things that are not making the cut in 2015:

Clothes with holes/Do not fit/From my first job out of college. I have been out of college for twent–er- a while. Yet I still have some exercise wear from the boys section of JC Penny’s (there was a sale!). I figure these items should go before I start the support hose era of my life.
It’s just a matter of time.

Papers, papers and more papers. There are catalogs in our bathroom from two years ago and a multitude of expired coupons to Bucca di Beppo. I’m not sure which grosses me out more. Purge.

Kiddie Art. Oh now don’t freak out, of course I save most of my daughter’s school work and art. But all of it? Nope. I don’t think I need to keep that popsicle stick snowman with a broken head. That’s just bad Feng Shui.
Now my house looks like this…in my head

Bad Habits. Come on, I had to wiggle in a New Year’s resolution. Seriously, be like the Red Hot Chili Peppers and “Give it away/ Give it away/ Give it away now.” You don’t need to buy everything you see. You don’t need that extra slice of pizza (I know you want it, but then you’ll be too stuffed to stay awake during Guardians of the Galaxy). You don’t need to be 5-10 minutes late everywhere you go. And by “you” I mean “me.”

Guilt. Just kidding. That will never happen. I’m Catholic. They’ll kick me out of the club.

Old or New Crap you Never Use or Just Don’t Like. If you give me something, I will find a place or use for it. Some might say this is a good thing. Not always. Especially if it is a paper mache bust of a family member. Thanks, but no thanks. Bye bye.
Bye Bye Bye is right.

Toys. Holy crap. Where does this stuff come from? So. Many. Toys. I’d like to go back to the 1920s when a child’s toy was a mop. And an IPad. The IPads must stay.