Wow, those dudes are super gross.  Beefy biceps, taught abs, and buns of steel – barf….is the way I would feel if this was opposites day.  Seriously, those bodies are ridiculous. C’mon! Just look at Joe Manganiello, can a six-pack really look like that??

Since the movie came out weeks ago, this post is a bit overdue. I realize this. However I was on a Sea World vacation extravaganza, so please, indulge me.

A few weeks ago (yes, opening weekend), some friends and I hand dinner and drinks and pre-ordered are tickets to see Magic Mike. I thought that this would be some type of fun, light-hearted girls-night-out watching a silly flick. And by “girls” I mean “women in their forties ogling over twenty-somethings.”

I was slightly wrong.

The movie had a much grittier edge than anticipated. And while I could have watched Channing – oops my panties just fell off – Tatum dance for the entire movie, the movie left me with an eerie feeling.

When the credits rolled at the end revealing that Steven Soderbergh directed it (you know, the guy who did Traffic and Erin Brockovich), I felt like I was in the end of that Seinfeld episode when Jerry and the gang all exclaim, “Oh! Delores!” It all made sense then.

Armed with this directorial realization and having just returned from my San Diego-guacamole-induced-coma, I find it apropos to take a look at Magic Mike through the eyes of a plate of Mexican food.

Please Note – I am not a movie critic, nor have I ever been a movie critic. I do not feel a movie is complete unless it has at least one fart joke or Vince Vaughn in it, so roll with that when reading the below:

1)      Characters – CHILE VERDE BURRITO – These characters are well developed and some even made me a little sad.  I was left feeling satisfied and full, all wrapped up in one blanket of a story, and I even had a little left over to take home and devour the next day.

2)      Acting – MIXED ENCHILADA PLATE – I thought everyone did a fantastic job. As a movie-goer, if you did not like one actor’s job, trust me, you liked another. There was something for everyone.

3)      Dude-age – ULTIMATE NACHO PLATE – Everyone like nachos! And this movie was cast perfectly. Trust me, you will not be disappointed.

4)      Plot – FISHERMAN’S PLATTER – Okay, I know this is not a Mexican dish, but let me tell you, that story was NOT what I was expecting.  At one point I felt bad that I was just going to see Channing – oops I tripped and my hand landed on your pecs – Tatum. I wanted to hand out baked goods to male prostitutes and addicts on the street after I saw this flick. What I did not want to do was score a bunch of $1.00s from 7-11 and cruise over the Golden Banana off Route 1. And if you have ever had a Fisherman’s Plate, it’s pretty good at the time, but you do not want to take the stuff home with you.

5)      Skin-to-Clothing Ratio – BEEF TACOS – I think this is self-explanatory.  At one point it was too much (SPOILER ALERT – You know when Matthew McConaughey was “training” the new guy in those yellow shorts. I had to avert my eyes for a bit.).

6)      Dancing – QUESO FUNDIDO W/CHORIZO – For those of you whom have never experience the magic of the queso fundido, I weep openly for you. This appetizer (if done correctly) is like a dream, wrapped in a wish, living on a cloud with butterfly wings. Yeah I know. So is Channing – did my top just fall off? – Tatum’s dancing. Holy crap people! I could have watched this guy dance for two hours without a plot or dialogue. Yes, he is that good.

Now you don’t need to go see the movie, just kidding. If you were skeptical, it’s worth checking out.

So grab the DVD and some Mexican take-out.  See what dish, in your opinion complements the movie best.

Just don’t go full monty on your Del Taco. It will just leave you uncomfortable and bloated. No bueno.