16 | October | 2014 | Am I Really?

People love their dogs. A lot. Take a look at poor nurse Nina Pham. She is in the hospital being treated for Ebola, and in rolls the Hazmat crew to whisk her sweet Cavalier King Charles Spaniel off to quarantine. I find myself praying that Bentley stays clean.

This dog is so cute. Even with the Hazmat hands in the photo.

This whole mess gets me thinking about my pooch. She is old, stubborn, and could use a breath mint every once in a while, but she’s my baby and I adore her.

Except I have noticed a particular embarrassing trait:

My dog is a bit of a racist. [insert hushed whisper]

You probably thought I was going to say she eats poop. I wish.

When I take her for a walk she is like one of the bad cops in Colors. She barks at most people, but when it is a person of, um, well, color, it is pretty awkward.

My dog. She has no idea how white she is.

Listen, I can’t get my dog to sit when I ask, but I feel so responsible for this behavior.

When my dog starts to bark I always get flustered. I often try to apologize to the person, but usually end up sticking both feet in my mouth. It’s like trying to feed a parrot a Wheat Thin when the owner says, “Sorry, my bird just doesn’t like crackers.” Ridiculous.

However, if there is one silver lining in my dog’s people preference it is this: She’s got a thing for Latinos. A major thing.

Here are some examples of my dog’s Latin love:

I’m pretty gringa, but I do have Hispanic blood in me. At least that is what my dad told me to put on my college applications.
My dog adores my dad (Hispanic). He is the real deal. My dog’s love for my father knows no limit.
She loves my Godfather (Hispanic). Much to my Godfather’s chagrin, my dog followed him around everywhere. He is a cat person.
The other day she made a break for it and jumped into a gardener’s truck (Mexican). When I called her name, she turned around and looked at me as if to say, “So long sister. Tamales tonight b*tches!”

What my dog dreams about.

So what do I do here? Do I send her to doggie sensitivity training? Make her watch 12 Years a Slave?

I love all races, creeds, ethnicities, and even people who chose Pepsi over Coke. How can I get my dog to do the same?

Actually, she really does like all people. She just needs a moment to sniff out a person and get to know them a bit. Then my dog will most likely love and protect you.

Especially if you are packing a taco and your last name is “Gonzalez.” Then my dog will gladly dump me for you.