Am I Really Trying to Fly a Plane and Bake a Cake while Cutting My Own Hair?

I can do it myself!

I can do it myself!

I know how to do none of the above. Well, maybe I can bake a cake – out of a box – but the rest, no.

            Yet lately I have been trying to do everyone’s job and guess what, I severely suck at it. Duties might have been already taken care of, then here I come double checking, shaking things up, and pissing people off.

            The workforce has terms for my behavior: not letting things fall through the cracks, or following up and confirming.

            Janet Jackson had a popular 1980s song that sums up my behavior nicely:


            I know, I will never make it as a Buddhist.

            My control issues permeate to all aspects of my life. With my sweet child, sometimes I secretly smooth out her bed after her little seven-year-old hands make it because I think it looks neater. At the airport luggage kiosk I will grab my own Mr. T-sized bag, shooing away any kind soul trying to help me with it. I would literally rather throw out my back than ask for assistance.  And if you try to “help” me by loading the dishwasher, so help me God, I will hunt you down and cane you because most likely, you will have done it the wrong way.

            I also have the tendency to go bananas with group projects. I take over and do them all myself.  Recently, I took over a school project because, in my opinion, it was not getting down fast enough and it was being done the wrong way. I am sure a couple of the ladies wanted to take me out by the dumpster and beat me, but oddly, I felt a sigh of relief knowing it was going to be done my way.

Here are my reasons: Things will get done, and things will get done well, or really, the right way.

            Now before you all start the send that annoying b*tch to therapy fund, let’s take a look at why I, and many others, are so rigid…er…maybe need to go with the flow a bit more.

            REASON #1 – It doesn’t matter the reason(s), it is most likely not going to change.

            Seriously, it will not change. I can pretend these issues stem from me being the first born in my family and was asked to do a lot, but that’s a lie. I know plenty of middle children and babies of the family that act this way. Can a person learn to let things go in certain situations? Yes. Will this person every fully let go? Yes of course….on the day they die.

            But control doesn’t have to be a bad[1]

We all need some modicum of regulation in our lives. Kids feel safe with rules and boundaries, adults look forward to creating a safe haven out of their homes. We need to know the little things will be done a certain way so we can get on with the big stuff. We need doers in this life, as well as Chiefs and Indians.

Some Chiefs (ahem, me) just have to learn to delegate a bit more and hope it all works out. To have faith that others will deliver a service.

So I promise to let some things roll off my back, and have faith that those cupcakes will be delivered to the school on time.

Right after I call to remind everyone about the cupcakes, and then go bake them myself.