Am I Really Looking for a 24 Hour Dunkin Donuts in the Middle of this Ant Hill?

Country decor. Also hanging above my bed.

Country decor. Also hanging above my bed.

I enjoy being outdoors. I love the fresh air, the flowers, the sunshine, and of course, the ocean. I get a little nuts when I am inside for too long, or in front of a computer. The need to run outside and stick my bare feet in the grass becomes so overwhelming, I feel like a Jodie Foster in Nell.

But I am a city person, through and through.

The other weekend, my family and I had the ultimate pleasure of attending a friend’s birthday party out in the Texas countryside. It was fantastic. The food was great, the people and southern hospitality – even better. But to say the property was “out there” would be a massive understatement.  It was dark – like The Shining dark.

There were some really cool things that happened way out in Timbuktu. We saw wild deer gather on our front porch, we caught up on some lazy Saturday afternoon hammock resting, and we drank a lot of spiked sweet tea. I mean A LOT.

But I did start to get a little bit bored…and freaked out.

I kept asking to go “into town,” which turned out to be an oxymoron since the town consisted of a school and a Starbuck’s in a trailer. My new friend Julie said that she had learned to really plan her family meals in advance because the grocery store was a good thirty minutes away.  Yeah, like three years in advance. And that “let’s get away from it all for peace and quiet” everyone craves is for the birds. All I kept thinking is no one will hear my screams out here if sh*t goes down.

Just another Saturday in the country.

Just another Saturday in the country.

It was then that I realized every country song is right: there is not much to do on a hot day out in the middle of nowhere, except eat, drink, sleep, and shoot stuff.

Not just a ZZ Top song.

Not just a ZZ Top song.

Our residence for the weekend was described as a scenic lodge on a lake. The lodge turned out to be an unfinished wood structure on a water moccasin embellished pond. Also, there was a boar’s head in my room. The only boar’s head I have ever been familiar with is the sandwich meat.

Deer are beautiful, however, deer ticks are not.  I learned about new species of insects that inhabit the earth with us, only in the country. I also learned to stay away from them because they could kill you. That was a peaceful thought.

It was a great weekend, but by the end, I was itching to go home. I needed to see people all around me and stores within an arm’s reach. Relaxing is nice, but an Open Until 2 am Wendy’s is better.

So if you are feeling like you need a break, go ahead and find your reclusive solace for a few days.

Then haul ass out of there because if the bugs don’t get you, some crazy mountain man will.

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