Am I Really Busting a Roeper and Ebert on Talking Snail?

Love it Hate it Thumbs

Bells are ringing, lunches are packed, and shoes are clean – for now. Yes, it is back to school time. Which means…

…You are free! You don’t have to spend eight bazillion dollars to entertain your child all day long! Most likely your child attended a camp, or ten, you took them out for ice cream, set up play dates, and of course, took them to the movies.

We are no exception. We have seen every kiddie movie possible. I can even recite all the dialogue from the upcoming trailers. And when everything costs a million dollars at the theater (When I walked by the concession stand and sneezed, I think they charged me $4.50) I want the movie to be good. Or at least entertaining.

There were some big hits and misses this summer.

I am not a film critic, at all. Not even close. I am, however, a mom on a budget. So it irks the crap out of me when I start making my grocery list in the middle of a $12 movie, because sadly, I’d rather be making my grocery list than watching the doo doo on screen.

I want to party with these guys.

I want to party with these guys.

Therefore, to bring some adult swagger to the land of animation, I thought I would rate each movie via a big girl cocktail. Here we go:

1)      Epic – The Woo Woo Shot: It’s sweet, pretty to look at, and has a definite purpose. But you really only need one.

2)      Monsters University – The Vodka Soda: This is your old “stand by” drink when you can’t think of anything else. It is not surprising, but it won’t let you down.

3)      Despicable Me 2 – The Cucumber Margarita: If you have never had one of these drinks, get into your car right now and go find one. It is the perfect summer drink. It is creative, refreshing, and you don’t even know you are imbibing. With this concoction/movie, you could have forty of these things, make new friends, laugh the night away, and end up with your underwear on your head and a smile on your face. You can’t wait to do it all over again.

4)      Smurfs 2 – Watermelon Flavored Beer (or any flavored beer):  The first time you drank this beer at your neighbor’s hipster cookout, it tasted like ass. This second time around, you surprise yourself by actually liking it. Yet once again, you really only need one. Two in a row is just too filling.

5)      Turbo – A Caipirinha Cocktail: These too are delicious. Let’s say you are at a bar and wonder, “What is this drink?” You order one because it looks good, sounds good, and you like Ryan Reynolds – oops, I mean….Anyway, you drink it and guess what? It is good! You enjoy it more than you thought you would. You order another.

6)      Planes – The Jägermeister Shot: You had these in college. You don’t need to drink one again. (READ: If you saw CARS, you are all set).

7)      Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2 – The Dirty Martini: I have not even had a sip yet, but I already know I love it.

So since the kiddos are back in school, sit back relax, and perhaps grab one of the above beverages.

But don’t relax too much. You need to start saving up now for the 2014 summer movies.

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