Am I Really Clark Griswold in a Room Full of Gisele Bündchens?



I recently attended an outdoor concert. If was full of trendy twenty and thirty-somethings. They all actually sat and listened to the music. They nodded to the lyrics as if to say, “I hear you. I get that you are comparing your first kiss to Lybia.” They wore funky hats, no shoes, ate fruit, and all looked like they took yoga.

They were super hipster cool.

I am not in this demographic.

            In fact, I am rather nerdy.

No, not the I can quote all the lines from the Hobbit movies type of nerdy. I’m just not cool.

I read books, yes. But I don’t look cool doing it at my local fair trade coffee shop. I am usually at home, in bed, with my glasses on (not the large dark-framed celebrity kind), wearing an over-sized t-shirt with a bleach stain on it.

All the cool people.

All the cool people.

I too listen to music. Once again, I definitely do not look cool doing it.  At concerts, my hair is usually sweat-plastered to my face from dancing around, and I am hoarse from screaming, not singing, the lyrics. Apparently I do not listen to hip music.            Who the hell are these too-cool-for-school people and how did they get so funky fresh?

Of late, people have become ultra-hip. They recycle everything. They grow their own vegetables.  They try to locally sustain their communities. They drink microbrews from other countries. They name their children Meadow Lark and Blue Rain, and their dogs George. And they do it all with righteous beards that say, “I’m not ZZ Top, nor am I Five O’Clock Shadow. I’m in between.”

Man, I wish I was with it. At that concert, I wanted to go up to the floppy-hatted yoga guy and say something like, “Whales man. What are we going to do about the sperm whales?”

Instead, all I kept thinking was, “Put your shoes back on Bob Marley! Do you know how dirty that asphalt is? You could cut your feet.”

Yes, it’s true. I am getting older. But I was not cool when I was in my twenties. While I followed some fashion trends of the time, my clothes were always a bit “off.” I had to use a belt for over-sized pants that I was too lazy to hem or take in, or duct tape the bottom of shoe I was not quite ready to throw away.

Today this would be called “re-purposing.” Back then it was called “I don’t have enough money to buy real clothes, so I am borrowing my dad’s pants.”

Okay, so maybe I am a little trendy when it comes to “going green.” I recycle and I try to get as many uses out of a zip-loc bag as possible.

But I will never grow a beard.