Am I Really Running Twelve Miles, Juicing Carrots, and Feeding All the Children in Calcutta?

2014 Picture

It’s a new year! Personally, I am more than happy to welcome 2014, and to never speak about 2013 again. Sayonara!

Like many human beings this time of year, you have probably set out some New Year’s goals. Some might be a bit lofty (meet Ben Affleck), to pretty realistic (wear pants). So I trolled the internet, asked friends, and found my journal from 1996 to drum up a bevy of resolutions…which are usually broken.

Let us review and recap the most common aspirations:

Lose Weight  This is usually number one on everyone’s list. We can clump dust off the NordicTrack, eat better, and visit the dentist after ten years, into this category. I once read an article about a model who starts her day with hot water and lemon and stays away from night shade vegetables (a.k.a. tomatoes). She looked amazing in the photo layout, all legs and perfect skin. After I read it, while polishing off a bagel with cream cheese and an Americano, I threw that magazine in the trash. Weirdo.

Find Love  This one always throws me off. Where does the person intend on looking for said love? Bars? Churches? The Rodeo? I would like everyone to “find love,” but maybe start with baby steps like: Will wear push-up bra to Taekwondo class.

Quit Drinking/Smoking/Drugs/Eating Little Debbie Snack Cakes  Whew! This one is toughy. I applaud anyone who attempts to stop a bad habit. Once, for Lent, I gave up being five to ten minutes late everywhere. It lasted a couple weeks. Then, much like an addict, it crept up on me. I would say, “It’s only five minutes.” Or, “Just this one time being late my daughter’s ballet class won’t kill anyone.” I’m pretty sure my family is planning an intervention for this problem of mine.

Jogging Quote

Stop Yelling at the Kids  Good luck with this one. When you figure out how to do this, let me know. Then I’ll call Ripley’s Believe It Or Not!

            Start up a Hobby  Specificity helps here. Otherwise, you will end up in neighbor Jerry’s drum circle and smelling like Patchouli.

            Write the Great American Novel  I’ll start tomorrow. Right after I find my lucky pen, clean out the junk drawer, and complete all of my other resolutions.

            Spend More Family Quality Time  I give it one week. One day. One hour. Screw it.

Eat Only Organic  You can also include, use all organic products, cleaning aids, clothing, etc. Down Side: You may go broke and starve because you spent all your money on Gwyneth Paltrow’s cruelty-free bed linens. Up Side: You will easily achieve goal number one in no time (see above).

Be Kinder/More Tolerant Toward Others  With the way we sometimes treat each other, coupled with all of the world’s traumatic events, this might be the best resolution yet. If we could just try to put our petty BS aside and step outside of our everyday micro lives, a positive trend could start and we could wind up being a better society for it. Help out your fellow man in need. Don’t just shake your head and say, “That’s too bad your house burnt down, now all you have is the Hump Daaay shirt on your back.” Go drop off some Gatorade to him.

Sadly, some people will continue to be jerks, be bull headed, and just won’t change. The crazies will probably still stay crazy, and a-holes will still be a-holes, but you don’t have to let them drag you down. Helping out one another might the resolution with staying power.

So if you do just one thing this Year of the Green Horse 2014, stand up with me and try being a little bit kinder to your fellow human.  It’s a lot cheaper than those organic pomegranates, and trust me, your heart will feel just as satisfied as if you ran a 5K.

Who knows, maybe it will inspire you and me to stop yelling at the kids.

Oh who am I kidding? That’s impossible.

Happy New Year!


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