Am I Really Hazing a Senior Citizen to Buy Some Thin Mints?

GS Pledge

It is Girl Scout cookie season people. So kiss your New Year’s resolutions good bye!

When I learned about this year’s cookie time line and goals, I did what any mother would do and invested in a new pair of tennis shoes. Let’s face it folks, if you have a child under the age of nine, it is really the parent doing the peddling of these boxes of diet busters. I am surely not sending my seven year old out by herself to hit up the Circle K Gas Station attendant for some Trefoils.

While all Girl Scouts (myself included) enjoy this yearly rite of passage, things this year have been a bit wonky in the cookie game. I’m guessing times must be hard at the factory, since they have run out of certain types of cookies and our poor volunteer cookie mom can’t get her hands on them.

Thin mint cat

These GSA difficulties have left me to speculate as to the potential culprits. Below are some creative possibilities:

1)      Keebler Elves. Word on the street is the Keebler Elves got loaded off some cooking sherry and took it out on the Thin Mint plant. The result – eighteen months community service and shame upon the house of Elf.keebler[1]

2)      Famous Amos. The cookie king of the 1970s and 80s has come out of retirement to create a secret weapon cookie. The Amos camp has been closed lipped about it all, but one source leaked, “If you like the color maroon and the show Charles in Charge, you are gonna love this cookie!” Fact: His cookies are delicious.

3)      Little Debbie. It has been rumored that after years in and out of rehab for a problem with Oxy, Little Debbie lost her snack cakes and tried to kidnap the head baker at GS Cookies.

4)      Lorna Doone.  Tabloids have reported after a brief stint as account manager for GS, Lorna Doone was arrested for embezzling Tagalongs from the factory. When asked for a quote, Doone replied, “I always wanted a peanut butter center.”

5)      Mrs. Fields. This loving and kind leader in the cookie cake industry has allegedly round up some of her senior citizen pals to boycott the Samoa. Over at the Golden Years Condos, they have been seen marching …er…scootering around with signs saying “Discrimination against those with coconut allergies!” The riot police were called in.

Struck with the above possible scenarios, I promise to do my part for the Girl Scouts of America. I will gently email badger people to please help my child reach her cookie goal. I will peer pressure co-workers into boxes of Tagalongs because don’t they want the troop to go to our Nation’s Capital?  I will softly harass elderly neighbors into purchasing Savanah Smiles (they are light and lemon!). I will seductively lay out the Samoas next to the Do-Si-Dos outside of SAM’s Club. I will do this and so much more, all so that my child can get a stuffed artic fox.

So when a small girl rings your doorbell, don’t shoo her away. Think of her troop, think of this great organization which teaches life skills, think of how delicious those Thin Mints will taste after a few hours in the freezer.

Also, think about me trying to pick up the pieces when my child doesn’t sell enough boxes to get the polar bear bandana.

***Please Note:  All of the above 5 scenarios are fictional. I am sure you already knew that, but I have to say it. I, in no way mean to slander any of the above organizations or brand names. I love all cookies and cookie makers. I also support the GSA. Please do not sue me. I am nice person. This post is meant for pure entertainment purposes ONLY. It is silly and not at all real. Except for the selling of Girl Scout cookies, that is very real. And yes, we are still taking orders.

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